Yesterday I been asked if I will consider about going back to Christ cradle arm. My replay was direct "I dunno but I am happy what I have now" in fact that night I was trigger with lots of questions and doubts. As the sun rises, while I was doing my prayer and meditation my focus was basically about Guru Devotion and rinpoche. The question which I want to clarify was all about why did I answer "I dunno but I am happy what I have now", is it because I have doubts with my ability to carry on the search for enlightenment or my doubts for rinpoche still arose. But at the very end of Ganden Lhagyama I went deep into the flow of the Gelugpa Linege tree as where Lama Tsongkhapa reside in the center and all dissolve into Lama Tsongkhapa is hard to explain it unless you experience it, but my main point is that everything in this world comes from somewhere and yet we choose to ignore it because we are a fear that it will trouble us in the present or future. But today I notice that the doubts within myself have arise quietly, sense of lazy, tired, unhappy, frus, and etc all this is the roots of my past Karma that eventually have make what I am today. In fact the doubts I have are now dissolve into a solutions that provide me with stronger faith in Rinpoche, and determination to live this life better and seek the middle path. At the end, my refuge will only be the three jewels.
Tenzin Dorsem =)
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